Atlanta, GA - (Dogged News) Spokesman Roevier K. Knign for Dealthy Airlines, announced today at 8:32 AM, a new super-saver airfare rate for animal lovers. The new flat rate of fifty dollars will fly you AND your large dog anywhere Dealthy flies.
Washington DC - According to MacDiner restaurant waitress Ms. Taekin, the town is being invaded by zombies. Little zombies. “Hordes of baby zombies, too young to crawl, are walking on their legs, eyes glazed over and drooling at the mouth. “One...
Fort Worth, Texas - Americant Airlines spokesperson (she rides a bicycle to work) Marsheesha Aliboboosa announced today to a group of frazzled, jet lagged reporters a new travel discount program. Pilots and their friends, up to fifty of them, fly...
Washington D.C. - Bernie has done it again. His new healthcare bill draft is pure genius. And it's not what you think. Inspired by the British national socialist medical pogrom, and Prince Charles' desire to be reincarnated as an AIDS virus, deta...
Osucit, Japan - Ken Assosuka of the Osucit Power and Light Company held a press conference today to reveal a new process for burning coal that reduces CO2 emissions to zero. The new process captures the CO2 and uses it to carbonate saki, orange juic...
La Jolla, CA - Lizzy Lackbrain of the Sulk Institute held a major press conference today at noon to announce a new policy that will forever change how mankind protects itself from disease causing organisms. Babys, children and adults will no long...
Savanna, Georgia - As previously reported in the Main Stream Your a Nation here the Meals on Wheels program is short on money to buy food. As Betty Doogooder reported many of the hungry relying on the food delivery service are poor, sick, blind...
Trump Tower, New York - Our reporter stationed outside the elevator at Trump Tower noticed a strange event Sunday night at around dinner-time. A bag of KFC was brought to the elevator lobby where the Secret Service inspected the chicken, fries and b...
Clinton Estate - According to our anonymous source, who wishes to be known only as "Bill", Hillary has been secluding herself in the basement where she has collected all her witches equipment: Broom with extra thick handle, black candles made from th...
ARCAHATE, Haiti -- Two thousand naked Hatians forced their way past screws into the local jail here, Warden Yozambie Yomama said on the record. The interlopers were suffering from exposure, starvation, zombification, and the Clinton Foundation, a...
Broadway - Acording to I. Copeeyu of the Chinese fleet command, what was thought to be the ping of the MH370 flight recorder turned out to be a protester previously fed to a crocodile and dumped in the sea by the Chinese. Wufu Chifat was found gu...
Washington D.C. - As the United States Federal government is about to run out of cash, our sources report that the FDA and the EPA are about to re-launch aspartame as a vitamin. In the light of a recent study showing that aspartame kills women (...
Diego Garcia - After landing safely at Diego Garcia military base, on March 8, MH370 set off with most passengers on board today, again under remote control. All boarded passengers and crew were served aspartame laced drinks to reduce the antici...
Washington DC - The FDA today ruled that a new device that detects contaminated food is a terrorist device since it can be used to damage corporations producing GMO foods. Dr. Strange Death, spokesman for the FDA, made the announcement to a packed...
Chicago - Police spokesperson S. Wineburger of the Chicago Police Department announced today that anyone pointing glasses at police conducting official business may be shot. It was previously reported here that police are now trained to shoot anyo...
New studies have shown that owning a dog can be good for your heart, but has the risk of exposing you to malodorous digestive byproducts commonly produced in the large intestine when certain bacteria are present in combination with certain foodstuffs...
New York NY - Police attempted to restore order today in Times Square amid a tumult of rioting fat people. Spokesperson Ms. Phat Derrierey explained why protest had turned to violence. "It's that ban an large sugary drinks. We all decided that e...
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