Trees watch the Happening, and decide to "at least make allergy season sucky this year."

Written by StubbornGorilla

Monday, 1 June 2015

image for Trees watch the Happening, and decide to "at least make allergy season sucky this year."
"It may not have been a very good movie, but you better be gentle the next time you pull out those trimming shears."

After watching the perennially criticized M. Knight Shayamalan film "The Happening" trees have been attempting to replicate the effects on humans from the movie, but thus far have only gotten some people to sneeze and cough a lot.

Mountain cedar trees have been denying any involvement in the current allergy barrage.

"Ask the oaks and the elms," one Eastern Redd Cedar who wanted to remain anonymous has stated, "they're the real trouble makers."

Most of the oaks we attempted to contact just stood majestically in silence, but we were able to get a quote from an elm tree, who also wished to remain anonymous, "It's a great racket!" he said. "We make all these morons walk around coughing and sneezing and they blame it on the petunias. It's classic!" the unrepentant tree laughed.

"You can't blame the grass for joining in either," the tree elaborated. "What would you do if someone came around with a torture device, and chopped off you head every week?"

There is no indication that these plants have gotten any closer to brainwashing individuals to lay down in front of lawnmowers, but scientists are keeping a close eye in the event that these allergy causing jerk wads somehow move from somewhat minor annoyance to mind controlling assassins.

"I would definitely carefully consider my landscaping decisions this year," the elm warned. "We might only be able to make you sneeze this time, but it's only a matter of time before we're making you turn those hedge clippers on yourself!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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