Fort Lee, NJ - A couple who just celebrated their 30th anniversary has decided to divorce due to a recent change in Zodiac signs. The couple concluded they are no longer compatible due to the recent NASA change, which adds Ophiuchus for birthdays from November 29 through December 17, shifting the signs for 80% of the world's population.
"So now I learn he isn't a Sagittarius, he's a Ophiuchus, and well, that's not compatible," stated Sarah Livid in the handwritten divorce papers. "I'm not going to be married to someone rebellious, secretive and with righteous self-defiance. I want my frank, courageous, optimistic Sagittarius man back."
"She's a Virgo now," said James J. Livid during a phone interview, "freaks me out, all meticulous, I don't get along with meticulous."
When the couple was asked if they were having any problems with their marriage, they responded no.
Meanwhile, the National Tattoo Parlor Association reports a sudden rush of customers removing their Zodiac sign tattoos or switching them to their new sign. One parlor owner reports that she already made some changes at the request of customers.
"I tried to convert the Taurus bull into something that looks like a Virgo, but now the maiden's dress looks like a bull peeing," the owner said. "And one man had the Libra scales of justice, but now I had to turn the scales of justice man into a transgendered Gemini twin. This is getting very weird, why couldn't they have just left it alone."
It is also reported that local bars everywhere are posting the new Zodiac signs so that customers can accurately respond to "What's your sign?" questions.