For Everyone to See: Divorce Notices via Jumbotron

Funny story written by Colorado Joe

Monday, 21 July 2014

image for For Everyone to See: Divorce Notices via Jumbotron
People might hear about their divorces in venues such as this one, if this idea becomes popular.

Arlington, TX-A group of local divorce lawyers have teamed up with Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys, to offer a newfangled way of delivering divorce notices to spouses.

They will put them on the over 3,000 Sony® LCD displays around this city's AT & T stadium, home of the Dallas Cowboys football team, which holds over 80,000 people and hopefully will allow the prospective divorcee to get the message, the attorneys say. One of the screens, a Jumbotron® positioned over the field, used to be the world's largest.

The lawyers, including Ally Money, Ann Ullment and S. Setts, intend to offer their services to clients who are unable to reach their spouses because those spouses are always attending an event at the stadium. In addition to being home to the Dallas Cowboys football team, the stadium hosts such games as the Cotton Bowl Classic, other sports events featuring basketball and soccer, and concerts by such artists as George Strait and Beyonce.

As envisioned by the lawyers, the messages would start out with a "Dear John" notice, albeit phrased with some salty language. It would list the charges against the prospective divorcee and the date, time and place of the divorce hearing. To prevent lawsuits, there would be a list of divorce lawyers presented on the screen with the message as well.

This would be a last-resort measure, noted Ullment. The Jumbotron® and the other screens could also be used to warn spouses that their marriage is in danger, when their spouses are cheating, when their spouses want them to leave the game and come home pronto or even if their spouses are cheating. "Hopefully we'll be able to save lots of marriages in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex by this high-tech method of reading the riot act to the thousands of sports fans at a game or concert," noted Ullment.

A client of Money got the idea for the divorce notices via electronic screens from seeing many stories about wedding proposals which were done via sports screen, electronic billboard or even the outside of a flying blimp. If wedding proposals could be sent in public, that client wondered, why not divorce notices.

The precedent set by the public wedding proposals should protect the wedding proposals from any sort of legal action, noted Jones. "If the Dallas Cowboys gets sued for airing a divorce notice or gossip, then we'll just show them some of our wedding proposals at my stadium," he explained. "If the courts don't buy that, then I'll have to do a little bribery, I guess."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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