Written by T. Loaf

Friday, 19 August 2016

Backed by his sidekick, Keith Richards, septuagenarian Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones announced at a press conference yesterday that he will be competing for the Labour Party leadership currently being contested by, well, anyone in the party who can sing and dance.

"I've followed politics all my life. In fact, most of our songs are highly civic and political. Brechtian almost. I mean 'Angie', 'As tears go by', 'She's a rainbow', you can't get deeper than that in terms of societal encroachment. I'm not sure what encroachment means, but it could be on our next album.. Even Keith plays his guitar politically. Not a lot of people know that.."

Richards and Jagger both originate from Dartford, Kent, "which is the centre of Britain, really, if you leave out everything north of Kettering and west of Bristol. See what I mean? And 'Get off my cloud' was actually a dialectical comment relating to the EU."

Richards gave a riff or two during the press conference which indeed hinted at something global..

"'It's all over now' and 'I can't get no satisfaction', the new Labour agenda will simply be a recital of our hits. You don't need nuffin' else. And we'll win. I mean, Farage and his Brexit tribe sloganned it through, so can we..."

"In the end though," said Jagger, "'You can't always get what you want' and personally I have become comfortably numb (actually Pink Floyd, ed.) so I'm just gonna tell everyone to 'Start me up'."

As for future plans regarding the formation of a cabinet, Jagger was more concrete: "Honky Tonk Women!" he screamed.

Look out Jeremy.....!!!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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