Written by Paul Blake

Monday, 23 May 2016

image for Pheonix University Now Offering Online Kindergarten
Surprise! Look what Bobby did while you were at work!

Pheonix, AZ - The world's biggest web-based University is expanding to meet new market demands, now offering online classes for all ages.

"Our studies found there is a very real demand to leave your toddler in front of a computer screen for at least 6 to 8 hours a day," told Pheonix's Dean of Very Young Students, Les Learnin. "Parents have ever-decreasing amounts of time, especially in the morning, and even getting your kid to school is proving to be very difficult for many families. Now, they don't have to. They can plop their kid down in front of any device and get to their train on time. What could be easier?"

The program walks a toddler through a fairly typical day of kindergarten, with a much heavier than usual emphasis on nap time. "Nap time is wonderful," explained Mr. Learnin, "and it keeps them from turning on the stove or shoving things down the toilet. If they're asleep, there's far less of a chance that they will burn your house down while your at work.

Parents will have to supply their child with their own lunches, and leave enough construction paper, glue and other materials out on the floor to complete each daily task. "Other than that, we don't anticipate any problems at all," explained Les Learnin, who doesn't have any children of his own, but used to have a cat.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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