LA - Young Andre got a hard lesson in parenting last week after his father, Tré, a member of the Bull Creek Street Gang, caught him smoking fools. On Wednesday night, Andre was out on the town with his boys when one of them suggested they get some...
After years of fostering creativity, the city of Nashville, Tennessee, decided to make its parental role official and begin the formal adoption process. "We've done our best to nurture creativity through all its various stages," said Nashville May...
Monroe County, Wisconsin. Feeling somewhat concerned that his parents may have been a couple of unenlightened douchebags who partied too much in college while screwing everything in sight before getting married, settling down, and then self-righteou...
There's nothing more annoying than kids, especially when they're being annoying, and so it was for one man this morning, as his daughter relentlessly wore down his patience by firing a noisy child's plastic gun at him whilst he was having his breakfa...
While outwardly praising him for his positive attitude and generally excellent behavior, Matt and Jenna Smith of Bozeman, Montana, secretly think their 12-year-old son, Tyler, is super lame. "He never talks back, never makes fun of anyone, and I n...
Seattle, Wa - A mother of two was so disappointed with her children that she wanted to recall her eggs. “They just didn’t turn out the way I had hoped,” she confided, after neither child called her for Mothers Day. “All I got was a text from my...
A couple from Pennsylvania have spoken out about their concerns over their 6-month-old son who, they say, is "wasting his life away in idleness". Stephen and Karen Bielby, aged 21 and 21 respectively, were over the moon when Karen gave birth in No...
San Jose, CA - Riding the wave of the rise in popularity of fitness trackers, one popular fitness-tracking company is set to release its latest product, The ShitFitBit, which is designed to keep track of all your crazy toddler's shit-fits. "Many f…
After enduring 4 snow days in a row Greg Smith realized he had nothing left to say to his kids. After exhausting conversations around snowmen, santa, legos, elf on a shelf and chicken nuggets Greg resigned himself to the fact that his kids really hav...
LONDON: The Tavistock Mind Control Institute and intellectual wing of the NWO has issued a "comprehensive report" to be distributed to all parental associations and school administrations. "It is perfectly clear to us, based on five years of extensive and rigorous research, " said Director Sir Oddball Pike, "that parents are simply not doing their job. This guideline is to help them and, if fol...
Pheonix, AZ - The world's biggest web-based University is expanding to meet new market demands, now offering online classes for all ages. "Our studies found there is a very real demand to leave your toddler in front of a computer screen for at le...
After a few months of rooming together a young professional by the name of Joseph Radcliffe decides enough is enough. Joe thought that his roommate was just going through a tough time in his life. "We all go through stages of life. I thought that...
After rigorous studies at Columbian University, scholars have determined that most Americans need the drug Itsinurhedicone, or more commonly known to consumers as "Normal." Although the mind altering drug is frowned upon by many moralists, Doctor...
When Dylan White's 4th grade teacher, Cheryl Glands, asked him to stand in a straight line before gym class last week, he answered her: "No." White, who is openly homosexual, said he refuses to be, "Coerced into societally-constructed sexual comp...
A study released today reveals that most mothers in the United States have a skewed view of how mediocre and average their own children are. Experts believe that a related study yet to be started will show that at least 85% of the mothers reading thi...
Under pressure to provide an enjoyable vacation to Walt Disney World for his new wife and stepchildren, Ronnie Combs from Huntsville, AL, was overheard complaining on the third and final day of the vacation. While waiting in line at the Haunted Ho...
Ben Affleck made the following statement today. Clever how he can do that. Raising kids is the greatest thing I could do,…….. if I could find the little sods. You haven't seem them have you? They are quite small and speak a strange language that I find hard to understand. By the way, what is that stuff that leaks out of them? The smell! what the hell do they eat!? I think Jennifer saw one...
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