Salad to Rebrand Itself as Hamburger

Written by rytwalker

Wednesday, 18 May 2016

In preparation for National Salad Month this May, less popular salad is rebranding itself as more popular hamburger.

To aid in the transition, Salad has hired a marketing team to help with the rebrand.

John Liberwitz, the head of Salad's marketing team, stated, "We've found over years of market research that salad has a very unfavorable image."

With a few changes, Salad feels that it could stand out amongst food brands.

"The decision to go in a different direction with our client's image was very simple," continued Liberwitz, "We've found that all we have to do is keep the same ingredients that salad already has, lettuce, tomato, onion, beef patty; and change the presentation and quantity."

Studies show that salads tend to have more lettuce and vegetables and less meat than the average hamburger, but just by adjusting the portion size and presentation, salad has a whole new image.

"Rebranding is a way to show consumers that a product is exactly the same, it just looks different," explained Liberwitz, "Croutons are dried bread. They are disgusting. So we said, hey, why don't we undry that bread, split it in half, and put the contents of our salad right in between those very bread slices?"

Salad believes it is revolutionizing the way consumers perceive it. Many salad consumers are already giving positive feedback in support of the rebrand.

"I realize that it is just a hamburger, but it's nice, because now I can order a hamburger and call it a salad. I know it's just the same thing as a greasy, disgusting hamburger, but I feel healthier," said Hank Perry, an avid food consumer.

Gwen Beacher suggested it's giving her a leg up in her romantic life, "When I'm trying to impress a guy on a first date, I want to feel sexy and I could never do that before eating a hamburger, but now that salad has rebranded itself as a hamburger I feel like myself."

Liberwitz believes that the rebrand is not just helpful to get more consumers eating salad, but they will be more creative in the way they make salads. He suggested that the rebrand will not only affect one type of salad, but many different ones ranging from Caesar, Cobb, House, and Side.

He stated, "One specific marketing plan we are working on is for the taco salad. It's a play on the normal salad ingredients, but substitutes ground beef for a patty and a tortilla shell instead of bread. It is a way to give salad variation outside of the normal bun, beef patty orientation."

All in all, Salad expects to see hefty increases its sales as the strategic rebrand takes effect throughout the nation.

"We're excited," concluded Liberwitz, "Salad may look and feel like a hamburger now, but it's still the same old salad that everyone has always felt obligated to eat."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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