Written by D P Whitehead

Wednesday, 20 April 2016

image for Man Turns To Cannibalism During Traffic Snarl Up
Greedy Bastard

A 33-year-old father of three has admitted to eating parts of his co-worker in what police have described as a 'justifiable act.'

Steven Charlton and colleague Ken Moore found themselves stuck in traffic on a jam-packed I-95 twenty miles north of Miami.

According to unverified sources, the 325 pound Charlton, having not eaten for an hour, believed he was starving death. Police have concluded he panicked and began gnawing on Moore's thighs, before devouring his left arm.

"They had been stuck in traffic for twenty minutes," said police spokesman Nell Gundy, "Charlton, who has a voracious appetite, and eats more than forty fast food burgers a day, felt his sugar levels dropping. It was a do or die situation."

Five minutes after chomping on his friend, traffic began to flow, allowing Charlton to take the next exit and, before taking his companion to an emergency room, was able to drive to a MacDonald's restaurant and purchase several beverages.

Friends of Charlton have stated that 'he has always been a fat greedy cunt', and they were not surprised that the glutinous slobby twat resorted to cannibalism.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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