Bernie Sanders Unveils Plan to have the United States Invade Socialist Nations

Funny story written by John Fiorenza

Wednesday, 30 March 2016

image for Bernie Sanders Unveils Plan to have the United States Invade Socialist Nations
Bernie Sanders staring into the audience, delivering his beliefs to the public.

Today, in a local debate against democratic candidate Hillary Clinton, Sanders delivered his plan to have the US break off from the United Nations, and to put 100% of Military funding into invading Cuba, Scandinavia, and China. "We need to conquer these countries... we need to make a statement." After explaining how this tied in to him raising minimum wage to $30 an hour, he went on further about why this step was necessary to turning the United States into a borderline communist nation.

"Capitalism is stupid" explained Sanders. "It is just completely necessary to raise everyone's taxes by 200% so that we can fund these invasions. In return, we get more land, and if we capture China, we now have access to one billion people who work for pennies an hour! It is just smart for our nation to carry out this plan"

Clinton, however, had a lot to say about Sander's plan. "This is outrageous, Sanders! These people are our allies, and taxes are too high as it is... what do you have to say for yourself?" Sanders answered and says "Shut your mouth woman!" He went on to say "These people are our enemies... Scandinavia is ripping off my ideas for a flawless empire... we must take over, and pillage their cities, maybe even steal their resources for our personal use. Then, we rebuild their infrastructure as a typical American urban area; Trash riddling the streets, Poverty, and crime... IT'S UTOPIA!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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