Written by Amiko Aventurista

Saturday, 28 November 2015

image for Able man arrested for using service dog to pass gas indiscriminately
Service Dog

Police arrested Pierre LePetite outside a Baton Rogue Pet World store this afternoon, after a minor scuffle, and charged him with animal cruelty and resisting arrest. Police allege LaPetite poses as a disable veteran and uses his service dog as cover for his constant indiscriminate flatulence.

At the press conference, detectives confirmed LePetite was under police surveillance for weeks. Police praised the strong community support and the help of an anonymous tip on the local crime stoppers toll free hot line. The District Attorney, LeRoy Messier, filed 638 felony charges against LePetite, one for every @)+!. At his arraignment LePetite proclaimed his innocence and indicated he will represent himself in all court proceedings. His plans a rigorous defense including use of highly sophisticated ordorimetry equipment and "good old common sense, including the oldie but goody, whoever smelt it donit." If convicted, he faces a long time in jail. The judge set bail at $38.

Animal rights advocates, applauded the work of the Baton Rogue police and the decision of the district attorney to file felony charges. ASPCA President, Rona Richards, was visibly upset "to think this guy would use an innocent dog to cover his blasts is reprehensible. It's unfortunate the statute of limitation goes back only 30 days. We need tougher laws to protect our pets."

Despite pleas from the Baton Rogue dog catcher, Felix Dupont, Judge Rainer, did not remove LePetite's dog, Bam Bam, from the home. Judge Rainer stated, LePetite is innocent until proven guilty and family unity is paramount. The trial is scheduled for early 2016.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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