GOP Compromise: Support the Troops, But Not TOO Much!

Funny story written by TM_Dealer

Friday, 20 November 2015

There's just no-one quite like Rand Paul in the current GOP running. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. (Probably neither, to be honest!)

Still, never mind. Rand Paul has daringly sought and found the ideal pragmatic solution to TWO WHOLE PROBLEMS: veteran's welfare and foreign policy!

Paul politically-hipsterfies as follows:

What does 'Support the Troops' really mean to the GOP?

Well, sad to say, the brash, warmongering neocon establishment in the Republican Party are going off fighting all these stupid wars which just have no basis whatsoever.

(Yeah, 'establishment.' Yeah, all those other guys from, y'know, prominent political dynasties and that kind of thing).

I mean, I swear, there is not a single page in Von Mises, Rand or Rothbard to legitimise these big government nanny state warmongering policies!

So, it necessarily follows from this that these are actually far-left RINO, liberal and socialist deviations from the true path the Founding Fathers established…

The very same path which just so happens, by sheer unanticipated and inexplicable coincidence, to conform precisely (in every last detail!) with the ideas of the notable constitutional experts and revolutionary contemporaries of the Austrian School of Economics.

I mean, I just can't think of any other possible explanation for why I disagree with these wars!

But on the other hand, if you fight wars, you end up having to pay welfare for veterans. I heard that some veterans somehow end up with physical or mental health difficulties, and need assistance with them.

I have to admit I was fairly sceptical when I first heard this. It kind of sounded like something some stupid liberal conspiracy theorist or other would just cynically invent in order to skew the facts…

Purely in order to promote some tyrannical Big Government agenda, and unfairly and opportunistically make the GOP out to be the bad guys! Of all people!

Still, as we all know, it's liberals, and ONLY liberals, who have a problem with facts. There's actually no humility in being falsely modest, by arrogantly claiming BOTH parties do it.

So, I had a problem. I had to work out whether this rather fanciful and implausible excuse might actually have some minimal basis in reality. I asked my friends Jeb and George (I won't give you their surnames, as I don't want to embarrass them here). Well, Jeb and George just stared at me with their eyes glazed over, and said…

Uh… no idea. Who knows what the life of a veteran is like? Not my problem. I'm not gonna be the one to interfere and meddle with their lives! They're on their own.

Still, I did some more research. Really pushed the boat out, and went beyond, y'know, the usual sources you might expect a good sound right-libertarian theorist and practitioner to consult in the first instance.

But guess what? It just so turns out that some soldiers and veterans do indeed struggle with their health. So, we need to tackle this one on two fronts.

Firstly, I certainly agree that we should 'Support the Troops.' And as a welcome bonus, most of my citizens agree with me too. And better still, everybody in the GOP agrees with me, which is surely the most important thing of all!

But secondly, I don't like the idea of a real, concrete, tangible, living ideal like 'Austrian classical liberal negative economic liberty' being thrown under the bus, in the name of vague, pompous, abstract, fluffy, pseudointellectual notions!

Y'know, like 'the health and wellbeing of veterans.'

I am convinced that such rank idealism just doesn't make any sense to me. And that's all that matters!

So yes, we should indeed 'Support the Troops.' And also, I suppose, from a particular point of view, the health of veterans isn't really that inconsequential a consideration for us right now. As it were.

So: why don't we 'Support the Troops' by giving them good access to healthcare while they are still serving in the military? We can support them right up to the point they get blinded, deafened, lose a leg, lose all four limbs, yada yada yada. Support them right up to their honourable discharge. But after that, they're on their own.

Well! I think that's a nice moderate compromise, which doesn't lean too far in the directions either of the neocons, or the Democrats. Right?

Bernie Sanders was unimpressed.

Hm. Nice try. Anyone care to tell me precisely what is new about this one?!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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