Startled by Thanksgiving revelers, a turkey flew into a Russian fighter's engine, crashing the plane. Cranberry sauce was spilled inside the engine and gravy dripped on the pilot's shirt.
The Russian pilot claims that the turkey had stealth capabilities with a radar signature of a boneless breast.
The Butterball sales team visited the Pentagon to discuss their concerns that this turkey had previously been pardoned. The turkey may have been radicalized in salt water and spices for days before the event. His family says that he lost his head but oddly, kept his neck.
Upon hearing this news, Putin proposed a poultry defense shield which operates at 400 degrees for about 3 hours. A senior official at NATO was heard responding, "He should stuff it."
After much discussion, the Pentagon has decided to stop the turkey program and provide Syrian rebels with spiral sliced hams.
Tensions calmed overnight but heightened around 4 am when Russian and NATO leaders were seen fighting over a $140 flat screen TV at a local box store.