From the newspaper, THE SAMOVAR GAZETTE, that brings you the latest news, and quickest, if not the most accurate.
It has now been several days since the election that brought many surprises to the people of Turkey.
President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, known as the "Fhaurrana Neidister," was soundly trounced today when he tried to expand his presidential powers.
Until now, he had been successful, winning one battle after another, so that he became the darling of the Giblet group, who favored flavored giblets.
Shocked when the Kurds, merging together with the lesbian and alienated voters, who favored flavored dark meat, managed to get over 11% of the votes, the President said, "I will fight them with all the toothpicks, onions, and lemon quarters I can mustard."
Appearing on national TV, the unrepented President Erdogan said, "My mother knew how to cook a turkey, and no one is going to tell me how. I'm Islamist but we use coarse kosher salt. And they call me a bigot."
The President yelled at a heckler in the back who had a sign that said, "3 BAY LEAVES AND 1 BUNCH SAGE." He said, "It's not that I'm against butter, melted or otherwise. Mommy just liked olive oil."
The audience applauded politely.
Finally, the realization of his defeat, hit him. He turned to the cameras, took a bite of his white meat turkey sandwich, and said, "I'll be back. You can eat just so much dark meat and giblets."
Then he took one final puff on his hookah, and left.