California Law Makers Consider Taxating Gravity

Funny story written by Harry Klondike

Thursday, 13 August 2015

image for California Law Makers Consider Taxating Gravity

Sacramento, CA: California residents were outraged a few years ago when a "rain tax" was under consideration, but then the clouds parted and the Golden State was blessed with a history making drought. Despite worrying whether or not showering will be an option in 6 months the tax burden has eased slightly. Housing and rent are only affordable if one is either a multi-millionaire or they cut back on things like eating food every day (that's the secret to a California bod- poverty).

The large migrant community is heavily reliant on state assistants and with many middle class fleeing to greener pastures, not to mention wallets in other parts of the country Sacramento politicians have had to get creative with ways to pinch and squeeze a few more dollars from those who are, for whatever reason still living in California.

Gravity Tax:
This may sound outrageous at first but there is an existing tax law it's hoping to piggy back on. It would fall under the land value tax. Gravity is not uniformly spread over the planet. Some areas have more while others have less. It all has to do with the density of the earth at a geographical location. If you had a home built in Hawaii then the gravity would be less due to the low density of pumas rock. Living near an iron mining facility would mean the gravity would be more.

If you lived in a high gravity zone this would necessitate a higher land tax. The reasoning is that gravity is a type of untapped renewable energy. Lawmakers are hoping to lure people back to California to live in gravity rich environments saying it would be an up-front investment for wealth later on when a feasible method of turning gravity into usable energy is invented. Al Gore said "...people should see gravity as the future oil. Back in the old days people would buy land hoping to find oil. Now you can buy land that you know has an increased gravity field ahead of time!"

Some politicians worry that this might infringe on their "fat tax" to keep people slim. One source close to the situation who wanted his name withheld said- "Just imagine... people could purposely gain weight and move into planned communities!" When reminded this simply meant they'd be taxed twice the amount, a look of relief spread across his face. One has to wonder, how on earth is the California legislator is going to convince people their gravity is worth paying for while the gravity in Oregon, Nevada, and Arizona is not. Whatever the outcome; this will indeed be a heavy undertaking.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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