Overdressed Man Accidentally Walks Into Walmart

Written by Joanie Chevalier

Wednesday, 5 August 2015

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When 38-year old Jeff O'Mairs went to Walmart last Sunday afternoon overdressed, repercussions were severe. A blast of Facebook rants and Instagram photos of him shopping while wearing a suit in the paper goods aisle went viral.

The perpetrator tried to explain his actions in easy to understand back-country/hillbilly/redneck English (translated here for ease of reading/Spanish interpretation available online). "It was after church and my wife asked me to run to the drugstore to pick up some paper plates and napkins for our family's reunion at the park. She was adamant that I shop before changing my clothes since it was an emergency. Since I always leave the shopping up to the Misses, I was confused as to where I was and found myself accidentally at Walmart instead of CVS."

The usual Walmartians were not happy and, as it turns out, not a forgiving bunch. "He needs to change before he comes in here! We have a reputation to keep!" screamed a woman with a mustache, her deep purple sweats a size too small for her body. The skinny man in the cat food aisle wearing plaid shorts down to his knees, also known as "Freaky Fabio," agreed. "I don't come to Walmart to see overdressed men in suits, dab nab it! I'm really happy my wife's not here to see this; it's disgusting!"

Jeff O'Mairs now claims he is going to sue. "The haters made up a Facebook page 'Jeff O'Mairs Goes To Walmart,'" he reports. "It already has 5,000 photos and 20,000 fans. I'll take the haters to court, just you watch and see." When asked if he planned on suing Walmart, he responded, "No, I found that I really liked their huge selection of paper plate designs. I'm no hater of Walmart."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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