Written by Dick Sheerer

Friday, 31 July 2015

image for The Case Against Recreation - Part 22: Picnics

Picnics- involve the eating of meals in an outdoor setting such as a park. The procedure is quite simple: participants prepare the meal at home, pack it along with a table cloth, and maybe some folding chairs. Then they go to an outdoor location, perhaps a designated public picnic area where they spread the tablecloth on the ground, if no picnic tables are available. It's a popular pastime considered normal, wholesome fun. But intense scrutiny reveals it to be a very strange and deviant activity indeed.

Proponents say they enjoy eating outside with fresh air and a scenic view. But that poor excuse does not outweigh all the negative factors that make picnicking stupid. Humans struggled for thousands of years to build a world where meals can be eaten in a special part of their home, with all the clean and comfortable household furniture and appliances at their fingertips.

Modern man, in a reverse-evolutionary move, instead chooses to dine among the rodents and insects, sitting in grass scattered with dog feces, with food serving as a magnet for ants and other pests. Picnickers like it when flies-that were maggots on rotten meat in a dumpster an hour prior to eating the picnic food-land on their face. Other things people like about picnics are the spider and flea bites, and of course mosquito bites that cause Nile virus.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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