Ted Cruz Bobblehead Night

Funny story written by JTamarkin

Wednesday, 22 July 2015


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Honoring the famous sons and daughters of Canada, the Flin Flon Flayers of the Provincial and Extra-Provincial League will host Ted Cruz Bobblehead Night on August 15th when thy take on the Moose Jaw Motherchuckers at 7:05 Canadian Prairie Time.

The Ted Cruz Bobblehead will be unusually large, 2 feet tall, with an 18-inch head mounted on Canadian-made aluminum springs. On the left side of Cruz's adorable bulging cheap porcelain baby cheek, in bobbling block letters: "BORN IN CANADA. CANADA PROUD."

Senator Cruz acted surprised when he was told about his upcoming Bobblehead Night: "My head is bulbous and often bobbling. But, though I was born in Canada, I wasn't made in Canada. My father was Cuban when I was born in Calgary. Do I look Cuban? Or Canadian? Well, I guess I kinda look Canadian, ay? Yes, my head could tip over and fall off at any time, but at least I'm not dark and half-Kenyan. Can't I still be an American President? Please?"

The Flayers still have 21 home games this season after their series with Moose Jaw. On August 18th through the 20th, the Uranium City Radioactives come to town, and 3 Bobblehead Nights will pay tribute to great Canadians: Flin Flon's own Hall of Famer Bobby Clarke (smiling with no teeth, and holding a joint in recognition of Flin Flon's solid marijuana history); Dudley Do Right Bobblehead Night on the 19th; and Geddy Lee Free Helium and Bobblehead Bonanza for the finale. (Geddy will be on hand in person, screeching his best "O Canada" renditions before, during and after the game. Free earplugs and sedatives available with the free helium.)

Other planned bobblehead events include: the Tommy Chong Big Bong Bobblehead Bash against the Saskatoon Smoking Trouteaters; Ladies' Night against the Regina Vaginas (Celine Dion and Joni Mitchell Bobbleheads, 2-for-1 Seagram's jello bacon shots); and a doubleheader against the Winnipeg Wet Wigwams with a Two-Headed Michael Buble/Justin Bieber Crooning Bobblehead.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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