Mole Removed from God's Ass Turns Out to Be the Republican Party

Funny story written by Matt Birkenhauer

Tuesday, 21 April 2015

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God is resting and hopes to be back on His feet watching the world go to hell in a handbasket by Thursday.

HEAVEN--Ohio Governor John Kasich asked this week, concerning his bid for the presidency in 2016, "[T]he most important thing is, what does the Lord want me to do with my life?" This statement came only weeks after Ted Cruz announced his bid for the highest office in the land, saying, "God's blessing has been on America from the very beginning of this nation, and I believe God isn't done with America yet. That's why He and I are going to be on the Republican ticket together in 2016!"

Physicians who look after God, concerned that these pronouncements may be symptomatic of some degenerative disease invading their increasingly senescent patient, took a closer look at God this week, to make sure these statements from the GOP are nothing more than the usual empty rhetoric they parrot every four years to whet their fundamentalist base.

Said one of the Divine Physicians attending God: "Well, we gave Him a pretty thorough checkup this week, to make sure his health is holding up in the face of the secular onslaught from the Left and the fundamentalist blowhards from the Right. We did find a mole on God's left buttock which, once we biopsied it, turned out to be the Republican Party. We don't think the growth was malignant but, to be safe, we immediately had the mole removed."

God, according to St. Peter, is apparently resting after the minor surgery performed on Monday, and hopes to be back on His feet watching the world go to hell in a handbasket by Thursday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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