While hosting a luncheon for a group of wealthy donors during a campaign stop at a roadside picnic area near a posh upscale restaurant, New Jersey Governor Chris "The Sissy" Christie over-estimated the limit of his intellect and under-estimated the number of beers he imbibed.
Throughout the affair the presidential candidate offended his guests by continuously farting and belching until halfway through the meal he vomited on the table before excusing himself to take an exuberant shit behind a tree. Had his mental state not been compromised by excessive alcohol intake he would have remembered to bring a napkin or two to wipe his ass. Undeterred, the resourceful republican relied on his handy hands to do the job. Then wiped them off on his shirt and licked the excess clean with his tongue.
Meanwhile he noticed the donors he was trying to woo had lost interest and began to leave. So the gregarious governor directed their attention back to the picnic table where he confidently told them to, "Prepare to be impressed". then, with the sound of a snare drum role in the background, Mr. Christie bragged about how he was about to pull the table cloth out from under all the dishes and food on the table.
He proceeded to say, "Watch this:...a one....and a two....and a three...". Then, in a flash, he pulled the table cloth from the table. But everything on the table went flying all over the place, covering his would-be donors with food and wine.
