Ricketts Premeditates State Executions

Funny story written by Sigmund Von Schaefer

Friday, 19 June 2015

Lincoln, Nebraska - Despite the fact that Governor Pete Ricketts' veto to repeal the death penalty was overridden by Nebraskan State Senators, Ricketts has promised to continue with executions.

In his first attempt, he made a deal with an underground company from India to obtain the drugs needed to perform the lethal injections. Upon obtaining the drugs, he commissioned former Chicago Cub Sammy Sosa to perform the injection based on his experience with the matter. Furthermore, in exchange for the drugs the Chicago Cubs will be traveling to India to play a game of cricket against the New Delhi Snow Leopards. However, the FDA has blocked his attempt to order death cocktails for those on death row, so Ricketts has been pursuing other avenues.

When interviewed by a local Lincoln reporter Ricketts stated, "we just have to come up with a premeditated plan to kill these murderers." A probe of his adviser's Google history revealed searches for used, like-new guillotines and nooses on eBay and Craigslist. State senator Bill Kitner was in full support of the Governor's attempt to carry out the executions stating, "what we need to do is crucify these people for their sins... It's what Jesus would want." More as this story develops.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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