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Funny satire stories about Death Penalty

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Funny story: Nashville Man Strongly Cautions Friend Against Suicide

Nashville Man Strongly Cautions Friend Against Suicide

When a down-in-the-dumps friend confided that he was considering taking his own life, Caleb Higgins of Nashville, Tennessee, strongly cautioned his friend against committing suicide. "I totally get the appeal, but it's really not all it's cracked...

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Funny story: Priti Patel Vows To Make Criminals Terrified Of The Law

Priti Patel Vows To Make Criminals Terrified Of The Law

New Home Secretary, Priti Patel, has said that criminals should be made "terrified of the law", and that she wants them to: "literally feel terror". Patel told anyone who would listen, that: "The Conservative Party is the party of law and or...

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Funny story: Pope Francis Declares Death Penalty Inadmissible in All Cases, Except for Jesus Christ

Pope Francis Declares Death Penalty Inadmissible in All Cases, Except for Jesus Christ

In a Vatican press conference today, it was announced that Pope Francis has changed the teachings of the Catholic faith to oppose the death penalty in all circumstances, except for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. The new position was met with incred...

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Funny story: Dixit? Newly Appointed UN Ambassador Nikki Haley Announces South Carolina Secession from European Union

Dixit? Newly Appointed UN Ambassador Nikki Haley Announces South Carolina Secession from European Union

Following Donald Trump's appointment of South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley as the United States ambassador to the United Nations, Governor Haley sent shock waves through international economies when she announced that South Carolina citizens, by a m...

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Funny story: The South Rises Again? South Carolina Votes to Leave European Union

The South Rises Again? South Carolina Votes to Leave European Union

Following a hotly contested statewide referendum, South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley sent shock waves through international economies when she announced that South Carolina citizens, by a margin of over eighty-six percent, had voted to secede from t...

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Funny story: Donald Trump Threatens Spoof Reporter, Hints At Death Contract

Donald Trump Threatens Spoof Reporter, Hints At Death Contract

At a press conference, Donald Trump launched an unprecedented attack on the press, even singling out this reporter and The Spoof for special attention. "This Xrhonda Speaks and the website The Spoof are one of the worst examples of a dishonest pre...

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Funny story: Dzhokhar Tsarnaev - The Bob Dylan Years

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev - The Bob Dylan Years

Boston, MA - During the formal sentencing phase of Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokar Tsarnaev, a courtroom full of weeping families and victims of the tragedy finally heard from the mass murderer who had shattered their lives, two long years ago. Be...

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Funny story: Ricketts Premeditates State Executions

Ricketts Premeditates State Executions

Lincoln, Nebraska - Despite the fact that Governor Pete Ricketts' veto to repeal the death penalty was overridden by Nebraskan State Senators, Ricketts has promised to continue with executions. In his first attempt, he made a deal with an undergr...

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Funny story: Oklahoma allows executions by laughing gas

Oklahoma allows executions by laughing gas

Oklahoma - A cheap and effective alternative to the electric chair is being backed by Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin a recent convert to laughing gas. Nitrous oxide is touted as the new Zyklon-B of choice after tests showed it causes rapid asphyxia...

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Funny story: Homeless Man Accepts He Has No Role At All To Play In Emerging Social Order

Homeless Man Accepts He Has No Role At All To Play In Emerging Social Order

New York - Homeless Man Bill Watson stumbled into what he thought was a soup kitchen but was really a basement meeting of socialist professors and students from nearby Columbia University and learned that he is not only "useless," but is actually an...

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Funny story: TV bosses commission Jeremy Kyle on Death Row and confirms he will be executed live on television

TV bosses commission Jeremy Kyle on Death Row and confirms he will be executed live on television

Television bosses have commissioned a thought provoking documentary series staring TV bully Jeremy Kyle investigating life on death row. Kyle and crew will travel to Indiana in order to investigate and give a clear insight on the matter. They, howeve...

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Funny story: Obama Reviews Death Penalty

Obama Reviews Death Penalty

Back and to the Lefts News understands that Barack Obama has ordered a review into execution practices within the US prison system. An unnamed state has applied for permission to change it's execution technique from lethal injection to "Dropping The...

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Funny story: Ninth Grader Wins Science Medal at his Oklahoma High School for Three-Drug Lethal Injection Protocol

Ninth Grader Wins Science Medal at his Oklahoma High School for Three-Drug Lethal Injection Protocol

TULSA, OKLA--A ninth grader in Tulsa has won his class' science medal for developing a three-drug protocol to put inmates to death on death row in the "Sooner State," as its residents proudly call Oklahoma. Richie Westerman, who submitted his pro...

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Funny story: Oklahoma Governor Agrees to Extend Humane Slaughter Act to Human Death Row Inmates

Oklahoma Governor Agrees to Extend Humane Slaughter Act to Human Death Row Inmates

Following the botched execution of death row inmate Clayton Lockett, Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin announced that she will support legislation extending the Humane Slaughter Act, which has previously applied only to farm animals, to human prisoners.

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Funny story: Oklahoma Supreme Court Extends Humane Slaughter Act to Human Death Row Inmates

Oklahoma Supreme Court Extends Humane Slaughter Act to Human Death Row Inmates

In a groundbreaking and highly controversial decision, the Oklahoma Supreme Court ruled to expand the applicability of the Humane Slaughter Act, designed to decrease the suffering of livestock during slaughter, to also encompass the human slaughter o...

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Funny story: Jesus and Dubya Debate the Death Penalty

Jesus and Dubya Debate the Death Penalty

Jesus came back, this time to Texas in the summer of 2000. He did not come back because the world, or the US for that matter, was in any kind of crisis. He came back because he was bored in heaven. A man (or a God, for that matter) can only take so much harp playing and hosannas and cloying followers prostrating themselves before him before he gets a notion (remember, I'm quoting Jesus here), to...

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Funny story: Ohio to Try New Method of Execution: Strangulation

Ohio to Try New Method of Execution: Strangulation

LUCASVILLE, OH-After trying a new drug combo to execute convicted killer Dennis McGuire, who choked and snorted in paroxysms of pain for twenty-five minutes before finally dying, the state of Ohio has announced a new method of killing people on death...

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