Written by Don Grapper

Tuesday, 26 May 2015

image for Obama Tells Americans To Remember Soldiers Who Didn't Sacrifice
Obama To America's Soldiers, "They're So God Damned Lazy That This Guy Couldn't Even Lay A Wreath Without My

Washington DC - Speaking at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, President Obama today said Americans need to recall also the massive amounts of tax dollars siphoned off hard working people by paper pushing bureaucrats in America's Armed Forces.

"For every young man who dies face down in the mud to protect your right to speak incoherently about the issues of the day, there have always been at least twenty who do nothing but paper work that doesn't need to exist, yet where is their holiday? Who recalls their lack of sacrifice?"

Saying the Armed Forces make the DMV look like a model of swift efficiency, Obama said America's service men and women long ago mastered the kind of bureaucratic morass too often associated with Kafka, a writer "most servicemen cannot read or understand."

"The military is the last refuge of the high school slacker," the President said. "Having paid almost no attention throughout high school, most service men barely eek in, a great many of them cheating on the standardized test they take to gain entry, some so lazy that their recruiters do their cheating for them."

Obama went on to say he is a superior being than the kind of dipshits who join the military.

"None of them were heroes who died for their country," he said. "The unknown soldier buried before me here was most likely a Czech immigrant who spoke little English and was drafted against his will and died from a cut sustained from a jagged can lid in a trench somewhere in pussified France."

Obama called most Purple Heart Winners "bullshit artists" who didn't have the balls to go to Harvard like he did.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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