TALLAHASSEE, Fla. - Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush on Tuesday took his most definitive step yet toward a bid for the White House, announcing "I hope to become the second dumbest president in the history of our great nation."
Bush said he plans to actively explore a presidential campaign, based on results of the latest Fox News//George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum poll, which showed that 96 percent of the country will vote for a wealthy, white conservative Southern male who can read at least at a third-grade level and prefers lots of pictures in his reading materials.
"I plan to utilize the same 'strategery' my brother George W. did in becoming the most intellectually-challenged leader in our country's history," Jeb Bush, brushing off what appeared to be either Megyn Kelly's dark roots or his dog Neil's shedding hair from his lapel, said.
"First, find a strong vice president/sadistic bachelor uncle type who lacks any warmth, compassion or public appeal, one is willing to lie, cheat, steal and commit mass genocide while I go jog or paint by numbers."
Bush said he hopes to reach out to potential voters through both social media and traditional media to let them know what he stands for.
"In fact, I've already contacted Will Ferrell and he's willing to try to make me look every bit as buffoonish as my brother."
Bush said his parents, former president George H.W. Bush and first lady Barbara Bush, have urged caution, nothing that his brother's term didn't end so well.
"They said if my approval rating ever dips lower than W's - somewhere around the Casey Anthony level - I might just want to look for a job on Wall Street."
