Redskins Announce New Name: Washington Billingsgators

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Tuesday, 16 December 2014

image for Redskins Announce New Name: Washington Billingsgators
New Team Emblem

BILLINGSGATE POST: Beleaguered Washington Redskins owner, Daniel Snyder, announced today that he has been forced by the NFL to give up his beloved team name or face losing his valuable Washington franchise.

Fearing a lawsuit similar to the one that forced Donald Sterling to sell the LA Clippers earlier this year, Snyder told ESPN that he understood that to some red tinted people, whose ancestors used to roam the plains centuries before the white Long-knives took their land away, the term, "Redskins" didn't settle well. Although he strongly believes that their feelings aren't legitimate because the lost lands have been replaced by Indian casinos, Snyder said he decided to acquiesce to the pressures of public opinion and the NFL.

After conferring with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, it was announced today the League approved of the new name: The Washington Billingsgators. In explaining why he chose this name, Snyder said that while other names such as, the Washington Birthers, were considered, it made sense to name the team moniker after the London district of Billingsgate.

"Since the NFL is moving in the direction of establishing a franchise in London, it makes sense," Snyder explains, "that we create a name that identifies with the London culture in case I decide to move my team there at some future date. Although that was the major reason, I chose the name to also honor one of my dearest friends; Dr. Viscount Billingsgate."

"For that reason, a picture of Dr. Billingsgate will be the new emblem of the team. It will be soon appear on our helmets, jerseys and painted on the 50 yard line. We expect sales of the team's promotional items to pass those of the hated Dallas Cowboys."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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