Written by Keith Shirey

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

image for Obama's Top Scientist Has Psychotic Fit
SCIENTIST IN STRAIGHTJACKET AFTER GOP ENCOUNTER

At a recent hearing by the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology, White House Science Director, John Holdren, spoke in front of the committee to discuss President Obama's initiative to reduce carbon emissions.

Despite 99% of the world's climate scientists saying that human activity is primarily responsible for life-threatening global warming, all of the Republican Party members, who dominate the committee, deny that fact. Again, this is the United States of America's House committee on science!

GOP committee member Steve Stockman, who like his fellow republicans was wearing a tin foil hat, asked Holdren about global 'wobbling.' Stockman wanted to know why it wasn't included in any climate models when he had read somewhere that it helped contribute to the last major ice age.

Holdren patiently pointed out to Stockman that 'wobbling' refers to changes in the planet's tilt and orbit and takes place over tens of thousands of years. It is very slow and has a tiny effect within a time scale of 100 years.

Rep. Stockman replied to Holdren, "You're just saying that because you're a scientist and you do these studies. But we know there's a higher authority than you, don't we?" See, we can't control what God controls so there can't be such a thing as human made global warming."

At that point another climate skeptic on the committee, Dana Rohrabacher (R-CA), suggested that "dinosaur flatulence" might explain historic warming patterns.

When it came time for Rep. Phil Gingrey (R-GA) to question Director Holdren he asked if he didn't agree that former colleague Todd Akin was "partially right" when he claimed women resist pregnancy from "legitimate rape."

After the hearing was loudly gaveled to a close (with Chair Rohrabacher's tin hat wobbling to the floor), the White House Science Director began frothing at the mouth, screaming at the committee members that they should "take it up the ass on an exceedingly long journey to some outer space planet for imbiciles."

When Holdren lunged at Rep. Stockman with his pocket knife he was restrained and eventually put in a straightjacket. Finally, he was driven away in an ambulance to St. Elizabeth's Hospital mental health ward. He may never recover from his experience with the House Committee according to his psychiatrist Dr. Ziggie Jung.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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