Rick Warren, Cardinal Baloney Give Advice To Obama

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Wednesday, 9 July 2014


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Rick Warren, Cardinal Baloney Give Advice To Obama

In the U.S., critics say, the terms "faith based," "religion," and "family values" cut off thinking in the American brain, generating endorphins and sometimes evoking nods and smiles.

Now, after the Hobby Lobby decision allowing "faith based" tightly held corporations the right to not allow contraceptives to female employees "people of faith" are emboldened. Religious groups are demanding that President Obama exclude them and "faith-based" corporations from the federal government's having the power to exclude them from discriminating against the LGBT people, if they do business with the government.

Said Rich Warren, Pastor of Saddleback Church - and the man who gave the invocation to Obama's inauguration - what the government needs to understand is that this is a matter of protecting religious rights to bigotry, intolerance, and narrow-mindedness. "The feds need to say out of our activities and beliefs," said the man of faith.

"Of course I don't hate the homosexual, I just hate his actions. This means, if I had anything to do with it, he couldn't get a govenment job and pay the bills for his partner or adopted children," stated the nationally known preacher.

Evangelical fundamentalist Christian "faith leaders" throughout the country sent e-mails to Obama saying that a religious corporation, who bosses believe that sex outside of marriage is a sin, should not be forced to hire fornicators.

"I realize that this might exclude the vast majority of Americans," said Cardinal Baloney of New York. "But faith leaders in religious corporations have the right to be selective."

Whether the American public will object to federal measures against gays and non-virgins in the name of "religious rights" will be of great interest to the opinion pollsters.

In Pakistan, where women are often tested to see if their virginity is intact, Mullah Mohamud al-Shitari said he was available for consultation to American corporations should they seek his medical advice.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more