Bargain Basement Prices: One US Private For Five Taliban Generals

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

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President Obama has done it again. He refers to it as: "No soldier left behind." In reality, the prisoner of war exchange was more like a bargain basement sale: five for one. Obana was also interested in closing Guantanamo.

Apparently one US private is worth five Taliban generals. Booyah!

President Obama initially wanted to exchange twenty Taliban generals, for Private Bowe Bergdahl, but the offer raised suspicions with the Taliban. They decided that twenty generals in exchange for one US private would present the Taliban as sissies.

They sent word back to the White House that a twenty for one exchange would make a mockery of the Taliban army. It would erroneously appear that the Taliban was composed of an army of generals and no foot soldiers, as well as suggesting Taliban generals weren't worth beans. (Chickpeas or garbanzo beans, as opposed to pinto, kidney or navy beans, which are not as popular or plentiful in the Middle East.)

The bartering started at twenty generals for one private, moved down to fifteen generals for one private, ten for one, Secretary of State John Kerry stepped into the negotiations, stirring the Taliban into a torturous yawning need for sleep, with the last Taliban standing finally capitulating and settling for five for one. Goodnight.

Private Bowe Bergdahl who deserted the US military in Afghanistan was on his way home, and five Taliban generals were out of Guantanamo and on their way to Qatar.

Republicans raised the specter of the five generals reaching Qatar, rearming and going back to fight again in Afghanistan.

Kerry came to the rescue once again and announced not to worry: If any of the five generals tries anything like that, we'll kill him.

At the Vatican, Pope Francis fainted.

Someone with a keener sense of diplomacy suggested that the generals would be monitored.

What with, an ankle bracelet? Even Martha Stewart got rid of hers with a fork. Did the US implant GPS microchips into each of the five generals similar to those implanted in cats and dogs?

Whatever the technology, the devise can probably be purchased on

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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