G.O.P. Looking Ahead, Far Ahead

Funny story written by The Ruling Authority

Monday, 31 March 2014

Elated, but not content with new ballot restrictions imposed in nine swing states since 2013, Republicans are seeking to further reduce Democratic participation in future elections by 'potential' Dems by targeting kids in kindergarten and grade schools.

Republican strategists are inspired by judicial rulings in states like Ohio and Wisconsin that restrict registration and voting by minorities and the economically disadvantaged even beyond onerous new voter identification requirements (The new rules are so successful, an elderly woman was prevented from voting in a 2014 New Hampshire town-wide election for Selectmen because she had no photo i.d., though she had lived her entire life in the town and was personally known to election officials. "Rules are rules," they said.)

"Why," the strategists say, "should we simply restrict voter participation, when we can actually create a new base group of likely Republicans?"

Thus, children in targeted swing states will now have to provide photo i.d. (restricted to passport or valid driver's license) to register for public school. The stated rationale for this new measure is purportedly to ensure that public funds are not used to educate illegal aliens. Critics contend that the real strategy is designed to create a future cadre of citizens who are so poorly educated that they are more likely to vote Republican as adults.

Privately funded schools are not affected by the new measures, as they do not impose a financial burden on society and will more likely to grow up to vote Republican, anyway.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more