The work of William Shakespeare - president of the old, dead, white guys club - has long been held in high regard, by snobs and blowhards alike, school children across the nation, encouraged by parents and forced by teachers to read the great man's great plays, as great in size and number as the actual text.
Despite this enforced mental enrichment, the younger generations of recent years have become rather disenchanted with the works of the Bard.
Shocked and dismayed at this revelation, educators have started a mad drive across the nation's schools in a bid to raise up a new generation as pretentious as they are.
The campaign includes unedited productions of "Titus Andronicus" and "MacBeth" with full blood effects and screenings of more recent Shakespeare adaptations including Stoppard's "Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead" and the 1996 classic "Tromeo & Juliet".
