Girl In Coma Must Take Examinations

Funny story written by King David

Tuesday, 7 November 2006

image for Girl In Coma Must Take Examinations
Girl In Coma

RALEIGH NC-Parents of a 12-year-old girl today were told by school officials that their daughter, who has been in a coma for over a week, would still have to take her end-of-grade examinations.

"We're grateful to the state for not loosening their standards," said Ronny Whitfield, the girl's father. "We know that sometimes things get tough. But life keeps on going." The Whitfield's were involved in an auto accident last Saturday night when their car skidded out of control and hit a tree on the side of the road. They were on their way out the door to take their new ski boat out on the lake when reporters talked to them.

Authorities admitted that given the condition of the girl that it would be difficult administering the test to Miss Whitfield, but said they would do all that was in their power to facilitate the test taking process. North Carolina has had some of the worst test scores in the nation over the last 20 years and has received a lot of criticism from the federal government and leaders of the business community.

"We want to do away with this backwards, Gone With The Wind image of the South and move on," said Joe Underwood a spokesman for the North State Department of Reducation.

But critics of the state and "No Crumb Left Behind" say that it's unfair that all children are judged by the same standards.

"It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that the AG (Academically Gifted) kid is going to come out way ahead of the one who is in the trailer taking the same test," said Bonnie Riggsbee, chairman of Parents Against Testing (PAT).

Eye witnesses say that Miss Whitfield had to be wheeled into a classroom on a stretcher and kept on life support during the whole two hours that the test was administered. The classroom was full of other children at the time who seemed very preoccupied and unconcerned about Ms. Whitfield.

No reading aloud, extended time, or separate testing area accommodations could be made for Ms. Whitfield since she did not have an IEP (Independent Educational Plan). Two number two pencils were sharpened for her, however.

Other student's who were in the room taking the test at the same time said that the beeps from Miss Whitfield's EEG were distracting, but that they were able to concentrate enough to get through with their tests and check over their answers. Miss Whitfield was reported to have just laid there while her answer sheet and test question booklet lay untouched by her side for two hours.

Needless to say, Ms. Whitfield will be required to take the test again next year after she repeats the 8th grade.

"We're going to bring her in here to pass this thing if it's the last thing she does," the state department spokesman said. Her parents could not be reached for further comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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