White House Issues Advice On How To Stop Mass Shootings After Latest Rampage

Written by DP Whitehead

Thursday, 5 September 2013

image for White House Issues Advice On How To Stop Mass Shootings After Latest Rampage

The White House, amid pressure to tighten Gun Control laws and to regulate the sale of firearms has issued advice to millions of Americans, paralyzed by fear as to not if, but when and where, the next mass shooting by a deranged gunman will occur.

In a communique, drafted by a concerned government, the administration offered this advice:

"Once again someone goes crazy with a gun. Enough is enough. We must stop making people who own guns angry and upset. Our advice, to worried and concerned Americans is to befriend gun owners, potential psychopaths, creepy looking kids who like violent video games and silent loners who frequent gun stores. Hopefully they then won't turn their hate and guns on you when they go berserk, lose their job or stop taking their medication. Good luck out there."

The advice was welcomed by many.

"Thank God our government is doing something. This is great advice," said one woman, busy buying supplies for her child's return to school after the summer break. "You wouldn't believe the cost of school supplies these days," she told reporters, "Pens, pencils, erasers, books, bullet proof vests and sticky glue really do cost the earth."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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