Washington AC/DC - "Dave, there's absolutely nothing we can do," the President told a bewildered-looking Brit Prime Monster who'd been brought up to believe that it's The Borg who's in charge.
"Q's got us over a barrel of sweet light crude," the president added, "and is threatening saturation streaming of the Continuum's X Files unless certain, er, 'Specious Relationship' conditions are immediately met."
The two world leaders are meeting in Washington under the PR guise of the usual guff as a massive Pentagon firewall continues to blindside Joe Public from any details about this latest alien stuff.
However a canny Deep Throat close to Vice President Joe Biden reckons what's going on is straight forward extraterrestrial blackmail and is briefing QM-NewsCorpse reporters as we go to press this evening.
"Omnipotent Being Q is demanding a son by both Michelle Obama and Samantha Cameron," the insider said over a couple of Tequila Slammers at Dixie's Downtown Bar tonight, "because his Kate Middleton hybrid's apparently got TWO HEADS."
The threat to human civilization is so great that the US Joint Chiefs of Stuff have even offered to recruit hundreds of suitably fecund, large-breasted California Gals to save the nation from mighty Q's wrath.
"And to stop him eying White House teenagers Malia and Sasha," the Deep Throat added, "the Obamas are really doing their nut!"
