President Obama to Run for Third Term, as President of Kenya

Funny story written by G. Brookings

Tuesday, 7 May 2013

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Sources close to the president have confirmed what heretofore had been only a tantalizing rumor. But today a startled world learned that at the conclusion of his second term the President plans to move with the first family to Kenya and run for the highest office in that land.

The reasons offered for this unprecedented move are complex, but boil down to the fact that he cannot accomplish the goals he set for himself in a mere eight years. Barely less than one year into his second term, the president and his advisors now doubt that the fundamental transformation of America can be achieved in the time that remains to him.

This vision, never fully articulated, was said to include a new currency, tentatively named, Hope Dollars, which would be backed by an aggressive program of economic leveling of individual wealth through taxation.

Society would become classless, although everyone would move to what is now called the middle class, unlike what happened in the classless communist countries where everyone became a worker.

There were also some minor constitutional changes in Obama's restructuring plan. Texas, for example, was to be merged with California; Massachusetts would take over New Hampshire, and so forth.

The most radical departure was said to be the evolution of the armed forces into an unarmed national community cadre that would be set to cleaning up playgrounds and renovating housing.

Alas, aides say, the president's great vision and his valiant efforts to date have been thwarted by a recalcitrant Republican House majority. But they admit to errors of their own, although on a lesser scale. Obama, they say, did himself a disservice by not speaking as clearly as he might have about the errors and follies of the current American system and the retrograde society that sustains it.

Aides noted that in Mr. Obama's former role as a community organizer, he was free to confront the powers-that-be and agitate for needed change. But in his role as President of the United States, he found himself in the awkward position of being the head of the dissolute and arbitrary power that he wanted to change.

Rare hints of the president's predicament surfaced from time to time in the so-called "apology tours," in which Mr. Obama, speaking to foreign audiences who also hate America, touched on his deeply held views of this flawed country and its lingering colonialist and imperialist tendencies.

Standing before massive crowds of non-Americans, as in Egypt, and more recently in Mexico, Mr. Obama often felt a sudden impulse to cleanse himself of all the wrongs America has perpetrated on the world, giving the world a glimpse of the pure man within the politician.

This ambivalence about the country he presided over, one aide reminded us, brought to mind the statement of the First lady who, after her husband's election, confessed that she felt proud of her country for the first time.

Mr. Obama's considerable empathy with those who hate America for the wrongs it has done leads him to want to speak to their anger and heal their wounds. America cannot be changed from the inside Mr. Obama has often said to any who would listen. But while he has earned loud applause for his blunt critique of the USA overseas, he found little support, even among Democrats, for his willingness to accommodate America's enemies.

Aides say that the president has finally faced the fact that he will not be able to transform as much of America as he would have liked and with his by now well known angry determination he has vowed to soldier on, even after he leaves office.

As President of Kenya, or perhaps France -- which is another option under consideration, since Mr. Obama is very popular there - he will finally have a platform from which to fully and without reservation condemn the country he now leads and expose all of its faults and errors to the world.

We can only praise him for his unrelenting efforts to transform the USA from a dysfunctional and willful colossus into a more benign and humble country. For Mr. Obama, the ideal USA would be a little less wealthy and more like the rest of the world, happy to be leading from behind, or even to be following from behind.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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