New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg's Latest Food Restriction Is Un-American

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 31 March 2013

image for New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg's Latest Food Restriction Is Un-American
Mayor Bloomberg informing the news media of his new food directive. (Photo courtesy of Kelly Ripa).

NEW YORK CITY - Mayor Bloomberg has just announced that he is now turning his attention to the all-American food item known as the hot dog.

The mayor of the world's largest city is still reeling from having his Big Gulp directive overturned by a New York judge.

Reports out of hizzoner's office are that "Big Gulp" Bloomberg will be issuing a directive which will restrict all NYC hot dogs to just half a wiener.

A poll was taken of 773 New York City hot dog vendors and 772 stated they felt that Mayor Bloomberg's new hot dog directive is un-American.

The mayor commented that he and a committee comprised of two state nutritionists and the senior hot dog vendor at Madison Square Garden arrived at the conclusion that when people eat a hot dog they are ingesting enough sodium to run the Goodyear Blimp for three and a half hours.

He noted that if the sodium granules in an average New York City hot dog were laid end to end they would extend from home plate at Yankee Stadium all the way to the kitchen of The Lips of The Dastardly Dragon Chinese Diner located in Roanoke, Virginia.

The mayor noted that he will not tolerate hot dog vendors thinking that they can put out a foot-long hot dog and simply resize it to six inches.

He pointed out that the new law will clearly stipulate that the directive pertains to standard six-inch hot dogs which will be downsized to three inches.

SIDENOTE: Mayor Bloomberg wanted everyone to know that the new law will totally ban the so called foot-long hot dogs. He stressed that anyone caught in the possession of a twelve-inch hot dog after 12:01 a.m. on April 1, will be fined $7,000 for the first offense and $35,000 for a second offense. A third offense will result in the foot-long hot dog enthusiast being tossed in jail for four months.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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