Scrooge Bloomburg Plans Soda Tax On Poor

Funny story written by dutch

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

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Critics of the ban on super-sized soda drinks have panned Mayor Bloomburg for taxing the poor people of New York who drink the most soda drinks.

It is predominently those people on a low income who consume the most fizzy beverages. Poor people purchase the 'bucket' sizes of soda and share it as a treat for their family and sometimes have four straws for each family member in the movie theatres. If each family membered purchased a 16 oz soda it would out much more expensive.

Restuarants in New York were set to ditch the 'bucket' sized soda cups and instead have stocked up on boxes of 16 oz cups. Customers have vowed not to change their habits and said that they will simply purchase two sixteen ounce cups of soda instead of one giant one.

Angry New Yorkers have claimed that the ban on giant sized sodas was "unAmerican" and took away freedom of choice. "If I choose to drink giant buckets of soda and get obese that is my choice." said a Subway customer.

Other customers of Pizza Hut and McDonald's have said that the soda ban was a 'tax on the working poor'. One lady who was enjoying a burger and fries and a giant bucket of soda, said, "Why don't the government make fruit and vegetables cheaper. They tell us to eat organic salads but the price is too expensive for us working class folk."

Cranberry farmers are worried that the ban on sugary soda drinks could next be applied to juice drinks. Michelle Obama had said that cranberry is too sugary and its only health benefit was for urinary tract health. The cranberry farmers are furious that their business could be affected by intefering 'do-gooders' and 'busy bodies' in Washington D.C.

The coca-cola company are worried that their products are being maligned and have started promoting diet and healthier sports drinks.

Some Americans have claimed that the ban on giant sodas has shown how far things have changed since the 'Camelot' days of the sixties when coca cola was as American as apple pie and the epitome of 'cool'.

The ban on giant sized sodas has angered most Americans who don't like being dictated to by the 'nanny-state'. The average American worrying about keeping a roof over their head and to put food on the table has said that they will buy as much soda as they like. One disgruntled out of work man said, "I will buy soda with my food stamps if I choose. I have no job why shouldn't I have a little bit of joy in my dull existence?"

Angry Republican's have compared Michelle Obama to Marie Antoinette with her "let them eat cake attitude". The everyday 'Joe' in the street can see Obama enjoying him self playing golf with Tiger Woods and see him leading a luxury lifestyle. "Why doesn't he stint himself and cut back on his golf vacations? If he gave up his golf holidays it would fund the tours of the Whitehouse."

Most Americans view Barry and Michelle as being 'out of touch' with everyday people. Poor people perceive the Obamas as hobnobbing with celebrities and eating banquets prepared by celebrity chefs.

Republicans have said that it is the right for each generation of Americans to be wealthier than their parents generation. Mitt Romney said that the America of the fifties sadly no longer exists. He said, "I used to take Anne to the Diner and we would enjoy burger and fries and coca cola and apple pie and never dreamt that these small indulgencies would somehow be denied our grandchildren by the food police."

Alex Jones has claimed that the 'giant soda' ban is eroding our civil liberties. He has suggested that the elite are trying to get us to drink more tap water which has been laced with flouride and arsenic to make us into compliant, amenable, "sheeple." He claimed that the fruit carton drinks his children enjoy drinking have been lined with a toxic material which would affect their development.

Coca Cola has been accused of illegally setting up dozens of illegal speakeasies in New York under the name of "giant splurge drinks" as a subversive act to counteract Mayor Bloomburg's soda ban. It has been claimed by a sociology professor that whenever a substance becomes banned it becomes much more desirable and instantly 'cool'. He said, "the giant soda ban is 'counterproductive and could ultimately results in many more smaller cups of soda being consumed in protest and littering our streets."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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