Romney says Big Bird "tastes like chicken"

Funny story written by Crass Clown

Thursday, 4 October 2012


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

In the first of three presidential debates, Romney explicitly said that he supports cutting funding for PBS and Sesame Street. Fans of public television were particularly angered that he singled out Big Bird. "I'm a huge fan of Big Bird," said Romney, "But I suspect that he still tastes like chicken!"

Romney's ambivalent but cruel comments have certainly ruffled some feathers.

In response, Big Bird held a last minute press conference today in Washington DC. Flanked by Oscar the Grouch and Mr. Snuffleupagus, Big Bird faced the the microphone with an intimidating scowl.

Big Bird explained that Romney's comments reveal that he is not only out of touch and anti-education, but also anti-bird. At one point Big Bird threatened Romney directly: "Romney, the bird community heard you loud and clear, and believe you me, by tomorrow morning, every car you own across fifty states and seven continents is going to be covered in a brittle layer of creamy white and black bird shit."

Other birds we talked to indicated that Romney's insistence that he still liked Big Bird only made the comment worse. A group of magpies near the Lincoln Memorial expressed their suspicion in unison, "If he actually likes Big Bird, we can only imagine how he will treat the rest of us. Squawk! Squawk!"

We contacted Mitt Romney to get his response to the press conference, and he insisted that Big Bird just costs too much for the American tax payer. Romney explained, "Big Bird's just not worth borrowing money from China! I mean, if you wanted a bucket of chicken but you were out of money and had to borrow $10,000 from you neighbor to get it, would you do it? I don't think so. Honestly, fried chicken isn't all that great."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more