Regarding The Latest In The Herman Cain "PizzaGate" Saga, A Woman In Alaska States She Has Never Met Him Or Has Ever Been Harassed By Him

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 3 December 2011

image for Regarding The Latest In The Herman Cain "PizzaGate" Saga, A Woman In Alaska States She Has Never Met Him Or Has Ever Been Harassed By Him
A photo of The Loose Moose Lap Dance Lounge in Juneau, Alaska. (Photo courtesy of Todd Palin).

JUNEAU, Alaska - In the latest in the ongoing Herman Cain White Blonde Women Saga AKA "PizzaGate" now comes another startling revelation.

A professional lap dancer from Juneau, Alaska, Olivia "Peaches" Hipstickler has admitted to Bedroom Pillow Talk that she has never met Herman Cain nor has she ever been sexually harassed by him.

Miss Hipstickler, 22, spoke with BPT's Summersetter Faxx at The Loose Moose Lap Dance Lounge where she works as the featured lap dancer.

"Peaches" as she is known because she was born in Savannah, Georgia, told Miss Faxx that she felt she had to say something after hearing so many white, blonde women make comments, remarks, and statements about Herman Cain regarding improper touching, sexual harassment, suggestive suggestions, and that silly looking black cowboy hat.

Miss Hipstickler, who is also a white blonde woman, was asked if she was a Democrat or a Republican. She replied that it didn't really matter what her political party affiliation was.

Faxx quickly informed her that it did and she pointed to Alaska's Truth in Political Affiliation Disclosure Act of 1955.

The Alaskan lap dancer immediately revealed that she was indeed a Republican, and a card carrying Republican at that.

Faxx asked her if she had been coerced into making her pro-Herman Cain statement.

Hipstickler got a puzzled look on her face and asked her what coerced meant.

When asked if she had basically been asked to say what she said she replied that she is 22-years-old and that the only person who tells her what to do or say is her boyfriend Noah "Polar Bear" Tangowater.

Faxx asked if Noah was a member of the GOP.

"What's the GOP?" Hipstickler asked.

When told that it stood for the Grand Old Party which is another name for the Republican party she nodded her head and said that Noah was a hardcore Republican.

Faxx asked if Noah had made her say what she did about Herman Cain. Hipstickler blushed, rolled her eyes, dabbed at her ample bosom, and replied that Noah had in fact made her say what she said.

In other news. Simon Cowell reportedly feels so bad about personally having caused 14-year-old Drew Ryniewicz to get eliminated from X-Factor that he is offering to buy her parents a brand new washer and dryer along with a collection of all of Paula Abdul's CDs.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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