Washington, DC - As news today of the decisions top lawyers from both the United States and the United Kingdom reached the White House, the President was apparently relieved to learn that the American Revolution was illegal under British law and therefore does not hold up in court.
The President reportedly high fived his staffers immediately following a ceremony returning the United States back to England. "I'm relieved the United States is not my problem anymore," the President stated in a press conference earlier this evening.
People across America had mixed reactions as the news spread. The millions without health insurance were relieved to become part of Britain's National Health Care System. Those who appose the idea are very upset. Yet others are just happy not to have to use a passport to travel to the UK since the UK now consists of all 50 former US states.
"What the hell are kippers anyway?" asked George W. Brush of Pine, Colorado, "And why do I have to eat them?"
"Does this mean that grits will be replaced with Black Pudding?" asked Paula Greene of North Carolina.
"To heck with a border fence then," said a dejected former Republican candidate for president, their name withheld by request.
Citizens from across the Atlantic were not pleased. "Our unemployment rate was sky high to begin with and now it will be astronomical," states Finn Green of Leeds.
Meanwhile, Prime Minister David Cameron could only utter, "Oh Bloody Hell."
The country formerly knows as the United States, will begin transitioning to a more British way of life in the coming months. Officials expect some of the transitions will be difficult as people all over the United Kingdom of America begin learning how to spell using Standard English Spelling.
