Written by Tommy Twinkle

Sunday, 17 July 2011

image for Curry Restaurants to Stop Serving Meals at 11pm!
Non-Contagious 'Asian arm-boil' disease.

If next month's trial period - when all Indian, Bangladeshi, and other Asian style restaurants in and around selected towns along Britain's coast will have to stop serving food after 11pm - returns positive feedback from police and residents of those towns, the scheme will then be extended permanently throughout Britain by the end of the year says the government.

Though they make it absolutely clear Asian food itself is not being called anti-social, nevertheless they say the latest scientific data has shown a clear link between curry flavored foods, alcohol, and anti social behavior.

"For most people the addictive nature of these foreign spices is not a problem" explained Professor Susan Water who led the scientific study at Scunthorpe's University of Oriental Medicines, Spices, and Oriental Diseases "However the studies showed the pleasure centers of the European human brain to be far more susceptible to these foreign spices compared to that of the Asian brain, basically because the Asian brain has been exposed to these dangerous spices for thousands of years and so a sufficient resistance to them has evolved."

It is suspected that the European brain has difficulty in controlling it's production of VMAT2's, a chemical protein produced by the brain's pleasure centers now known to be linked to all forms of addiction.

"Fortunately even high consumption of these spices is unlikely to prove fatal" said Professor Water, "but in recent years there has been a steady increase in the numbers of young people turning up at hospitals with the very painful though non-contagious Asian arm-boil disease caused by over consumption of these spices, and for young people especially, whose metabolic systems are not yet used to being exposed to potentially addictive substances like alcohol, the combination of having a few drinks followed by a curry with even more cooling lagers with those meals is sure to bring problems of an anti-social nature no morally responsible society would ever permit it's youth to be exposed to."

The trial begins on 3 August at Clacton, Southend, Blackpool, Torquay, Weston-Super-Mare, cardiff, Cleythorpes, and Great Yarmouth.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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