F1: Positive Drug Test For Vettel after Valencia Win

Funny story written by pinxit

Sunday, 26 June 2011


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Vettel's urine samples: 'Is it coz I is Bladdered?'

A random urine sample taken from Sebastian Vettel less than an hour after his victory in the Valencia Grand prix has proved positive for a controlled substance.

A statement reads; "As part of our ongoing policy of random drug testing a sample was taken from driver Sebastian Vettel shortly after the European Grand Prix. This sample has proved positive for the banned substance ethanol (C2H5OH) - commonly known by its street-name, 'Bubbly'."

According to an F1 pitlane insider, Vettel was clearly and shamelessly brandishing huge quantities of the substance, even on the victor's podium.

"He reeked of booze, it was on his breath and all over his racesuit, overalls and cap. I dunno how he thought he'd get away with it. I tell you what, Alonso and Webber were lucky not to get tested too...they were in the same state on the podium. Those lads must have a real problem" he said.

Red Bull were said to be 'gobsmacked' by the test result and declined to issue an immediate statement, but a clearly puzzled Vettel issued a quick retort to assembled pitlane reporters.

'Perhaps it is because I keep winning and am always on the podium... whatever it is, they keep taking the piss out of me' he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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