Written by Ellis Ian Fields

Monday, 21 February 2011

image for Summertime Plan To Boost UK Tourism
Double the English summer?

Proposals to put Britain on "Double Summertime" will be published by the Government as part of a new strategy for tourism this week

They will involve putting the clocks forward an extra hour to bring the country in line with the rest of Europe.

Fans of the plan reckon people will be encouraged to take part in more activities, like sport, after work and that it will create more jobs in the tourism industry.

But the idea has been received less well locally.

Mrs Nuala Spools, at number 33, said: "Ooh, no. I don't like the sound of that. Double summer. No, dear - I'm no good in the heat, and to have it doubled... well, what will the old folk do?

"And even if it's not hot and we have a typical English summer, all rain and what-have-you. We'll be double fed up won't we?

"And you try getting my brood going in the morning when the clocks have gone forward an hour. Two hours! No dear - not a good idea."

Maj Vyvyan Halibut-Pumice (Retd) said: "Demme! Those European johnnies have tried everything to take control of this country - Bonaparte, the Kaiser, Hitler, the Common Market! Now they want to bugger about with the bally clocks!

"Just let 'em come and fiddle with my timepieces, I'll give them a taste of Agincourt, what!

Most official opposition is likely to come from Scotland where the change could mean sunrise being as late as 10am.

Said a spokesman for Scotland: "Ye slaggit baggry Sassenachs and yer glimpy Froggy mates, ye ken what ye can dae with yer cranchit summertime clock queggles!

"Gan and freggle yer nackits and wanchally mumpits!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Time, Summer, Clock

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