Written by queen mudder

Friday, 21 January 2011

image for Jean-Charles de Menezes-style police patrols for 2012 Olympics tube
Guarding the Docklands Light Railway and Heathrow Airport bullet trains

London - (Big Bang Theories): Elite gun units will patrol London's underground network in the run up to the Olympics London Mayor Boris Johnson said today.

The new undercover squad will prowl the tube network amid increasing fears of terror attacks.

Criminal activity on underground trains is reckoned to be at an all-time high with thousands dodging fares, smoking inside carriages and menacing strike-prone RMT workers.

Worst hit are London's Merovingian, Victoria and Jubilee Lines where criminal activity is said to be rife.

Metropolitan Police sources said today a new consignment of Heckler & Koch G36's was in the pipeline for Olympics patrol staff.

Diplomatic Protection Racket cops guarding politicians, VIPs and heads of state would get the more upmarket Heckler & Koch G20s - designed specially for a series of economic summits chaired by UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown.

The Docklands Light Railway and Heathrow Airport's Illuminati Express bullet trains will get their own dedicated armed farces once the tedious business of government cutbacks has been addressed sensibly, heheh, a police spokesman added helpfully.

The London Olympics start on April 1st 2012.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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