Written by Sidney Bollocks

Wednesday, 5 January 2011

image for Shock as 100,000 Brits Convert To Islam

A shocking new study has revealed that 100,000 Brits have converted to Islam and turned their backs on western consumerism and immorality. Somewhat surprisingly, the study identifies the average convert as most likely being a white woman in her mid to late twenties.

Islamic societies have, largely, not been known as great bastions of sexual equality and women's rights. In fact, they have tended to be viewed as being quite the opposite. This makes it even more surprising that so many women are being attracted to the Islamic faith and culture.

One such convert is 27 year old Tracey Kneetrembler from Romford in Essex. She has not only converted to Islam, but has changed every aspect of her life and fully immersed herself in Islamic culture. She has divorced Dave, her painter & decorator ex-husband, and married Abdul, who owns the Istanbul Nights Kebab Bar in Romford and has six other wives. She prays five times a day and has conjugal visits to Abdul's bedroom one night a week.

Ms Kneetrembler told us, "I was sick and tired of my empty and pointless existence; working in Tesco, being judged on which designer label my little black dress and high heels were from. There is so much more in my life now than dog fighting, nightclubs, cheap cocktails and rough sex up some alleyway".

She went on to say, "Don't get me wrong, it wasn't an easy thing to do. I had to learn my place and get my head around Abdul's customs and traditions. The first time I burnt his supper, he took me outside and stoned me. When he caught me helping myself to a shish kebab in the shop, he pulled out his knife and cut my left hand off. But I learned quickly and now he respects me. There are some things that take a bit of getting used to. The little black dress is now more of a long black dress. Abdul makes them out of the finest sack cloth, but they still rub a little bit. I also forget to walk behind him sometimes and not speak unless I'm spoken to, although a couple of slaps soon puts me right".

Meanwhile, Abdul is pleased with his seventh wife and plans to take her home to Turkey next year to meet the family.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Religion, Islam

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