Written by SpaceElevator

Saturday, 20 November 2010

image for Irish Medical Study: Combat Modeling Reveals Why Women Live Longer Than Men

(Irish Times) - Medical research focusing on the work of British mathematician, Frederick Lanchester, suggests that his theories may explain why women live longer on average than men.

Said Dr. Eoin "Sweet Release" O'Death of County Mayo Clinic: "We were studying the science of the body all these years when we should have been studying the science of warfare."

"While it's true that the number of men and women in the world is fairly equal, the fact is that women have far better 'firepower' for lack of a better word. Any bloke who is married knows what I am talking about."

"In our case we looked at Lanchester equations assuming both 'aimed fire' and 'unaimed fire'. We ran approximately one-thousand simulations of each, and in every case the women out-survived the men."

"Of course none of this research applies to my struggle-and-strife (wife). You're bloody lovely, Dear..." said the good doctor.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
45 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more