Geneva, Switzerland. The Large Hadron Collider, operated by the CERN corporation, has mysteriously developed powers enabling it to transform itself into mobile fighting machines such as seen in the sci-fi movie "Transformers".
One such transformation was inexplicable, however, when it suddenly changed itself into a giant version of personality Russell Brand. Scientists and supporting staff were seen to run from the complex in abject horror, such was the impact that this "creature" had. Explained one witness: "It was like armageddon as this hideously ugly thing ran around screaming 'Katy, Katy don't leave me'."
To counter this monstrocity, one scientist placed a hand mirror in front of its face and it reacted by regressing to its normal static machine presence. It has been worked out that if any body says the name "Katy" or even plays any of Katy Perry's tunes, then the collider will immediately transform into Russell Brand.
The real Russell Brand wasn't available for comment.