"C'est un travail de merde" said normally mild mannered Monsieur Jacques Trounoir, Head of Operations for the Large Hadron Collider at CERN in conversation with The Spoof's European Editor, Plagny Toxique. "We at CERN proved the existence of Higgs bo...
Geneva, Switzerland - C.E.R.N., The European Organization for Nuclear Research, has retracted its claim made on Monday of having created an actual black hole in the collision chamber of the particle accelerator. CERN issued a very enthusiastic pre...
The scene was reminiscent of a European Cup soccer final as hundreds of scientists leapt into the air screaming and shouting and hugging each other as sheaves of paper drifted through the air. It all happened at their research centre in Geneva at...
WASHINGTON, DC - While the scientists at CERN in Europe spent July 4th announcing their discovery of a Higgs Boson particle, America's government scientists at NASA were busy writing a "brilliant" thesis on why they are not "losers." While the scient...
Cern scientists revealing results from the Large Hadron Collider have claimed the discovery of a new particle consistent with the Higgs boson. Boffins have been searching for 45 years for the particle which they believe will explain how matter at...
The Higgs boson, the particle that has cost untold billions of dollars to detect, has potentially been discovered, just as the Cern scientists said it would be earlier in the year. The Hadron collider is due to be shut down at the end of the year...
Hilarious statement made by Offenbach's top gens d'arme! Hoppity Hooper to flip when he hears this! "Un be lucking fleebable!" 'tis a great day for underemployed prosecutors everywhere because the lorries are lineing up to haul them away from...
Interpol Headquarters, Lyon -SERN officials have announced a "joint partnership," Involving Scotland Yard and the International Criminal Police Organization as the largest particle hunt in history goes into full gear to capture the elusive Higgs Boso...
'Scientists' from CERN have decided that they will have found proof of the so called 'God' particle by the end of the year. Just before the money pit closes for refurbishment. The Higgs boson, which has absolutely nothing to do with religion, was...
Showing photographs of the recently developed superconducting processor, IBM announced plans for eventual release of their new Quantum Computer. Engineers and scientists at the Large Hadron Collider in Cern, Switzerland, showed a vividly clear inter...
CERN today announced that the LHC will run through to 21 December 2012 after a short technical stop at the end of 2011. The beam energy for 2012 will be 8.5 TeV, the maximum possible and this maximum output will be reached on the 21 December 2012, be...
CERN Scientists are red-faced today when it was revealed that the bumps in the data of the two colliders that were thought to be the Higgs Boson turned out to be somebody dropping a cup of coffee in the analysis lab above the particle accelerator.
A spate of head explosions hit news organisations yesterday in the wake of the press conference held by boffins at the Cern laboratory. Physicists Fabiola Gianotti and Guido Tonelli presented experiment results which scientists reckon provide evid...
Scientists at CERN have been fined by God after one of his holy speed cameras caught them firing subatomic particles at faster than the speed of light. The speed of light is known as the "ultimate speed limit" of all matter and energy, but this is th...
As the financial crisis continues to spread, it appears that not even the immutable laws of physics are immune from the effects. Credit rating agencies including Vibe Ratings have downgraded the speed of light from C to C-, after derivatives traders...
Cern scientists have been baffled by experiments which seem to turn a century of physics on its head. They claim to have witnessed neutrinos travelling at speeds faster than the speed of light. If they are shown to be correct, it could throw doubt...
The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) team at CERN are now enlisting volunteers who have home computers to contribute in the search for the Higgs boson. Details of the project, called LHC@home 2.0, can be found at http://lhcathome.web.cern.ch/LHCathome/Phy...
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