The latest in a long line of media-hysteria-baiting scientific devices is due to be activated this week.
Scientists at CERN, near Geneva, ever sensitive to uninformed histrionic bellowing from the press about machines such as The Large Hadron Collider, have chosen a more sensitive name for the latest addition.
Christened by Professor Brian Cox as "The Cricket-On-The-Village-Green-In-1954 Machine", to allay media speculation as to it's potential to make black holes, deny the existence of God and drive down house prices in the south-east.
It is thought that when activated, it will open a rip in the fabric of space-time through which will flood asylum-seeking energy beings and trans-dimensional Gypsies, ready to take up residence in Hertfordshire and Surrey, where it is believed they will all apply for grants from the council to build God-denying black hole machines.
