Big Bang for Alice

Funny story written by j.w.

Monday, 8 November 2010

image for Big Bang for Alice
Ooh, harder, faster!

Alice, the name given to the Large Hadron Collinder in Geneva which is probing the nature of matter, has been creating mini Big Bangs resulting in temperatures a million times higher than those at the centre of the sun.

'That is HOT' said Professor of Physics Alice Hardon, after whom the experiment is named 'its enough to take your clothes off!'

Hardon is angry at those who say the experiments don't matter. 'What is the matter with these people' she exclaimed 'by creating Big Bangs we show how the world began. It's a matter of extreme consequence creating matter. A phenomenenal occurrence.'

I asked Hardon what turned her on. 'A gang bang is explosive' she replied 'the boom hits you between your legs. The earth actually moves.'

So a gang of Bangs underneath the earth demonstrates how everything began. Alice and her friends have blasted their way into history.

Some religious leaders are fearful about the scientists 'playing God'. 'What if they have a Bang big enough to create another world? Who will be in charge? This could be the work of the Devil. You know how he lurks in the fiery cauldon of Hell.'

'It's true, we are having a hell of a good time,' Hardon responded, 'probing nature is exciting. We must gird up our loins for the future.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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