A Gay man has spent the entire morning wiping his knob with a cloth.
Larry Sabu, 20, is furious with his Texan-born neighbour who insists on cleaning his arse on Larry's door knob.
"That's the fourth time this week alone", Larry moaned, "I don't know what his problem is but he should keep his backside away from my doorway in future"
We examined the shit and can confirm that the shit was Texan in origin as it smelled worse than any other shit we've ever sniffed and had a bitter, resentful aroma.
"I'm used to local boys coming around and slotting things through my back flap", said Larry, "but this is ridiculous".
We spoke to Larry's neighbour and asked him why he felt the need to perform this disgusting trick.
"I just like how the knob feels inside when it tickles my bum", he said.
And we concur, after having tried it ourselves.